Of Self-Worth

There is a lot more to share about 'what happened next' in the life of Shel, however, for tonight, let's focus on another topic.

Writing lately, though therapeutic, has been a bit challenging. A lot of life experiences going on over here and my mind has been racing with what I should share. Something that I think I definitely will touch more in-depth down the road, but will do so a teensy-bit right now, is self-worth.

Looking back, especially in High School years when I seemed to be in my highest state of self-absorbed, self-loathing and pity, the greatest thing I learned looking back is:
When self-worth is based on how the 'world' sees you - you will NEVER be enough.
When self-worth is based on how God sees you - you will always be MORE than enough.

All those High School years were filled with wishing and wanting something that I could never be, simply because, I was NONE of it. So, why is it that our minds (not all of us I suppose, but a GREAT deal of us ladies - even men) imagine ourselves the exact opposite of who we were made to be?

Here's the rundown of who my old, insecure self saw:

Plain brown hair, with poo-colored eyes, thick brows. Manly, cage-fighter build. Somewhat flat chest (not always flat mind you, but nursing will do that to the best of us!). A wonky heart. Not much skill in the sports arena, but lots of Artsy-Fartsy in me. Brick feet made for stompin' grapes (though I've never grape-stomped it does make me think of that I Love Lucy episode 'WHOA!! Shel! Back on topic!). Sausage fingers that can only reach 10 keys on the piano.

And then what I always wanted to be (until a few years ago, that is):
Blonde, with amazing blue or green eyes and thin brows. Tall and stick-thin, no muscle please, just the bare minimum to cover the bones. But of course slap a pair of large breasts to that chest just to make the skinny look out of proportion. Perfect heart built for running up and down basketball courts and soccer fields with narrow feet made for an elegant pair of pumps.  And of course, fingers like my friends (I'll leave her name out to save her embarrassment), though the last time I saw Jaimee *OOPS*, I even made mention to tell her, "You have gorgeous hands. Like, hand-model worthy!"

How is it possible to desire to be exactly the opposite of who God created us to be? Where on Earth does that idea come from, anyway?

The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to take personal inventory of your God-given attributes and character, recognize what the beauty is in each of those and then - most importantly - Improve upon them!

The goal of this life, at least one of the goals, is to progress into the absolute best version of who God created you to become. It is a daily effort. That's why it is hard. That's why it seems impossible sometimes, especially on those days when the entire colony of Zit-topia plants it's Pepperoni-colored-flag across the wide-spread desert of your forehead. Or when someones makes a terrible comment that surprisingly offends you in ways you never thought imaginable because you 'really don't care what people think'. Maybe it's hard just because you're in an abusive relationship that strips you down to your VULNERABLE NAKED SELF every day, and by the time you talk yourself in to believing that you are great, and beautiful, and ALL-THAT-JAZZ - the abuser returns with another blow.

What am I saying?

There are a MILLION-KAJILLION (yes - that's a lot - even my two little boys know this) ways that the adversary has mastered to set your mind to thinking that your worth is determined by SOMEONE ELSE...when in fact, the only determination of how much you are worth is that GOD CREATED YOU!!! Sculpted you from the finest of matter, with the most beautiful vision for what you would become when you realized all the potential He locked up inside you. The question is - do you unlock that potential, or do you find ways to accept the lies of the adversary?

My greatest hope is that in the end of this life, I not only have learned to fully love and accept myself, but that I have also taught my children to do the same.
Your example of how much you 'hate' or love yourself will be either a terrible destruction or a great example in the life of your child(ren).

So...that mental list of all those opposites that God created you to be...light it up, watch it burn, and create a new list. A list of all that you ARE, and all that you DESIRE to IMPROVE upon that will in the end, help you to grow beyond anything you could have ever imagined. You'll exceed even your expectations. I promise!