A Difficult Step. Anger.

In search for what to share over the last few days, it felt only natural to touch on a topic that has been so incredibly present in my life these last months.

First, anger.
I'm not speaking that I have anger where my temper flares so high that those around me should worry of becoming collateral damage in the fit of rage. No, I am speaking of anger that comes from the stages of Grief. 
 What are the stages of grief? Click here.

Mind you - I am definitely no expert when it comes to anything scientifically speaking on topics such as these, but, experience in these areas and a lot of therapy, counseling, speaking with extremely wise family and friends has given me some knowledge that I hope to pass along. And, though this post may not speak of all that there is to cover in such a topic, my greatest desire is that it will resonate within someone's heart.

1.Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

Since this post is not specifically to touch on grief, I will just brush on it a bit in relation to where my anger comes in.
*First I experienced Denial (not isolation). I kept saying over and over, "Is this really happening?? I CAN'T BELIEVE this is happening." Every time I thought about the situation and the choice that had to be made it kept slapping me in the face with SHOCK and DENIAL.
*Secondly, I hit Bargaining. If I had just been more perfect. If I had just LOVED more. If I had been SMARTER, HAPPIER...IF, IF, IF...
- I flip-flopped between denial and bargaining for quite some time.
*Depression. This is where those horrible blues crept in and brought debilitating heartache that seemed to leave life at a hopeless standstill.
-At this point in time I was experiencing steps 1,3,4 mixed in with IMMENSE amounts of GRIEF.
After 10 months of flipping between all these steps, finally ANGER hit me so hard that it consumed me like a ravenous forest-fire bound to destroy everything in its path if it was not quickly extinguished. It would take more than what I could do on my own. I will post soon about how I have been able to move through all these steps when they presented themselves.

Now, Anger is an important part of grief and it MUST BE FELT. However, being that my nature is a peaceful, loving and non-contentious personality, suddenly experiencing so much ANGER brought out feelings I had never before known - nor did I want to. As I even sat in the Temple (what are temples?), the thoughts kept coming, 'Am I still a Christ-like person when I have so much Anger? Is it possible to be a good person and be THIS angry?'

These were not feelings of light, love, and hope that I felt I had been working towards, but instead these emotions swirled inside like a whirlwind of hurricane clouds so fiercely dark and heavy that my soul seemed it had become lost in a wilderness of despair. Forever to roam and cry for relief.

From a talk given my President Thomas S. Monson -
“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.”  
 Lawrence Douglas Wilder, quoted in “Early Hardships Shaped Candidates,” Deseret News, Dec
. 7, 1991, A2.

So, as important as it is to FEEL the steps of anger in the grieving process, there is an important lesson. Do not allow your soul to be consumed in those whirlwind clouds of anger - to sit in the eye of the hurricane and live forever in our anger would be a most terrible fate.
Instead - know that the eye of that awful storm of anger always moves on, the clouds dissipate, and the sun comes out, but only AFTER we allow ourselves to feel, realize, accept and move through the rain and gloom. Do not allow your soul to be caught up and thrown about in the tempest winds forever.

President Monson also said:
"We’ve all felt anger. It can come when things don’t turn out the way we want. It might be a reaction to something which is said of us or to us. We may experience it when people don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Perhaps it comes when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We might feel angry when others can’t see things from our perspective. There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger.

In absolutely no way do I believe I am perfect, or even close to such a trait. In many ways, I stay in the Bargaining step of grief constantly, seeing all the little and big things that I COULD have done, or SHOULD have done...I take a lot of blame. This is also dangerous.

Each step is important, and some are much more difficult and lingering than others. But...they can be overcome, and they do get easier - little by little.

Look to the light in the sky, notice the sun shining through the parting clouds after that tumultuous storm, and there you will see hope, love, and a future brimming with happiness and joy.






Incredible insight here