The Many Pit Stops

Healing after divorce seems to come in different waves. First you are presented with the finality of the ending of a relationship.  As time passes and you begin to heal it does get a bit easier, but just as a death of someone you love, there are moments where suddenly, out of nowhere you have a gut-wrenching sadness that enters the pit of your stomach. Divorce is like a death.
The sensation is near akin to that of a grapefruit-sized stone being dropped into your belly. It is a heavy weight to bear, and with it it brings nausea. Your body responds to this sadness and your mind is confused once more. "I thought I had moved on. I thought I had reached complete healing."

Here's the truth. You do reach a great healing, especially if you are constantly working on your mental, spiritual and physical wellness, however, what you may not realize is that as mentioned above, there will always be a trigger - usually out of nowhere - that says 'Hello, remember me...you used to know a different life...and now it's gone.'

While we rejoice in moving forward, sometimes these pains that return (hopefully for a short time, even a mere blip) can set us back. The heart and mind battle. Anxiety can overrule and begin to cause you to think that maybe you have gone crazy...maybe you made a mistake...but in reality, the truth is that getting out of a bad situation is the healthiest choice to make. Don't allow your mind to convince your gut and heart that you should return because the pain ebbs and flows. This is natural.

It seems that through the process of divorce there are so many little mile-markers and new experiences that come. Most of the time they are expected, but in some cases they are surprises.
I knew that I would date again, and so would my former spouse.
What was not anticipated was the emotional breakdown and gut-wrenching heartache I would feel when learning of the new girlfriend. Though this was to be expected and I had done much healing, the actual moment of knowing there was another woman in the life of a man who was my husband at one point broke me down. I fell into a state of depression and severe anxiety for 2 months.
Then I healed and moved on. I learned how to better cope with this kind of news. Of all the heartache that comes with divorce, there will be great moments of peace and clarity. In these times it is imperative to record these thoughts and feelings in a journal.

Journaling has been an intense healer, a way to reflect on what I was experiencing at several different 'pit stops' along the road to healing and most importantly seeing the pattern of my emotions and what would make things better or worse. In times of depression journaling also helped to release the flood of despair. It is therapeutic. For some it may not come as naturally to write feelings, but as with everything in life the more it is practiced the better the skill will become.

Another pit-stop is dating and trust. This is for another entry as I would like to delve into this a bit deeper. What surprises me most about this is how divorce and the experiences of my marriage have affected my sense of trust and created fear towards developing new relationships.

Though each new step along the way has challenged me to where it felt as though I would break, I have survived. There is a really neat quote that I love. It says, "You have survived 100% of everything in your life. You can make it through this!"

And you can!