The Road that Heals: Mental and Physical

When I spoke with my Stake President, shared what was in my heart and what brought me to make the decision to divorce rather than separate he looked at me and began to share wise counsel. What was going on in my mind you might ask? I remember it all vividly.
Here were my exact thoughts, 'I am going to be condemned for leaving. God will condemn me for splitting up my eternal family.'
And as those thoughts filled me with despair my Stake President stopped mid-sentence and looked me squarely in the eyes, "Sister. God will not condemn you. Do you understand?"
My heart almost stopped as these words resonated within me. How could he know that this had been troubling me? Peace came and he said with more conviction, "Sister. You will not be condemned for this choice."
And as he offered a sincere, most loving small smile, words came to me, 'This step is necessary. It must be done.'

Sharing this experience is hard, yet something inside me is prodding to let this go and be seen by someone that may need it in a moment of despair and darkness. This is how I held on to my decision with firm resolution throughout the entire grueling process that lasted a year.

How did healing come? In the middle of turmoil and pain it is almost impossible to see a future 'you' healed and happy, in fact, it is so far off that you may wish you could fall asleep until it was all over and awake renewed and whole. This is not how the refiner's fire works.
There is only ONE way to heal completely. To become whole once again.
It is God's way of healing. It is the atonement.

Remember that my experiences/situation is personal and individual - however - the atonement is applicable in EVERY case. Whether there is repenting that must be done or heartache to be healed...Christ is the very root of it all. No exceptions. Tonight the focus will be Mental and Physical healing. Following posts on healing will focus on Emotional and Spiritual.

Therapy:
My wise uncle advised me to get to a therapist. Not just any therapist, but an experienced professional who specializes in my particular situation and could properly utilize tools to help me move forward. This is where a lot of people may think they are above a 'shrink'. "It's a sham!" Many might say. Well..it isn't. Not at all. Find a therapist with the proper background and similar religious beliefs if at all possible. Sometimes it may take a few tries to get the right fit for you, but sometimes you'll find that fit right from the start. Whatever your views may be of therapy, it is vital to healing. There were things I learned in sessions where my mind went 'A-HA!' and it all clicked. My brain had been trying for years prior to fix things or understand things in my circumstances and it could never truly make sense of it all - that is - until a professional who understood behaviors and the science behind it all could properly teach me the 'why'.
Often times I would come back home from a session and review what I had learned with my parents. It felt as thought I had just returned from school and finally learned to solve a complex math problem. "Oh...now it makes sense..."
My brain could wrap around concepts after years of 'confusion' and thus began a road to healing. Knowledge is powerful! Knowledge is healing!

Active:

Find something physically active that can fit into your life. Whether that's an at-home workout, gym, cycling, jogging outdoors, tennis, rock climbing...anything that gets the body up and off the couch or out of the work environment and producing endorphins. These are natural pain and stress fighters and when I am inactive during the day due to work or errands (inactive meaning that I do not get at least 30 minutes dedicated to working the body to a sweat) it is noticeable. My body has been under a regular workout routine consecutively (6 days a week) for almost three years. When I miss several days my mood shifts a little. Exercise produces great endorphins that keep my stress level down. It also helps me feel confident about myself, and let's face it - self esteem takes a bit of a hit when going through divorce and entering back into the world of singles. There is an extreme to all things and so be mindful that though exercise is vital for the body and mind, it can also become excessive. Find a 'happy' place where there is balance. Moderation in all things, right?


Uplifting media/entertainment:
There came a point that I began to throw out a lot of the media that used to occupy my ears and eyes. Not trashy by any means, but not uplifting. It is hard for me to read books nowadays that aren't filled with intellect or good morale. A lot of music holds no value, though the beat can be appealing, many times the lyrics are damaging to the spirit and 'dumb-down' intellect. I'm not saying everyone needs to stay away from entertainment and to throw away all your 'less-than-uplifting' media.
Honestly, after ridding my life of these books, movies and music, there came a day when they longer had any appeal whatsoever. There are movies I enjoy watching, however, I am selective. After some time I looked back to realize that I have become quite picky with what I spend my time viewing and reading. This is a suggestion that worked for me and has been a positive road to healing.

Make new Goals:
When life gets flipped upside down by divorce and the many new changes and routines that will come, it can be easy to fall into depression. It is natural to feel at a loss as to where to begin with this new life and path that is ahead. Many times I have thought, "where am I going now? What meaning does my life have?" "What use am I to the world?" I am a mother so DUH!! But also, it is imperative to remind yourself that while some of you may be mothers and needed in that regard, you are also a woman!! An individual. There is more to you than being a mother, let's not take away from the importance of this gift, but come to understand that becoming a better YOU as an individual will strengthen YOU as a mother and in the future - a wife once again. Because let's face it - most of us want companionship again.
The best thing I have done is to make new goals. Daily goals and long-term goals. For me a goal is going back to school to get a degree and pursue classical piano performance. This is exciting for me and it gives me something amazing and wonderful to work towards and attain. Such a goal helps to create those feelings of worth and accomplishment. Make goals and work towards them.
The idea of returning to a job full-time that I hate is less than appealing. So what I have done is found a way to sustain myself with the income needed while continuing to pursue a career goal that will fulfill my life. We are all given talents, and when we pursue the passion of these talents we will be happier in life. "..men are that they might have JOY." (2nd Nephi 2:25)

Get UP and DO:
My Cardiologist gave me very wise counsel. He told me "the past is the past. Now it is time to move forward." He gave some of the most wonderful advise as he said to make sure that I keep doing. Get up each day and move. Don't sit on the couch and sleep all day. Don't quite exercising. With emphasis he stated, "Sometimes we don't know what to do or where to start. But the most important thing is to JUST GET STARTED!"

So...whether or not you know what you should do or where you should go...Just start with something small. Eventually you will find guidance and direction and life will begin to reshape itself and mold into new routines. There is life and happiness after divorce, these things just simply take time.
With love,
Rochelle