Somewhere it Begins

Writing is nothing new for me. I've self-published two books. Finished another two that have yet to be published. Plus all the short stories about unicorns and leprechauns penned during the 'magical' years we all know as pre-teens. During the teenage years it seemed only natural to rebel against pretty much anything that defined who I was created to be - but that's not a story for right now.

A few months ago I sat in the plush sofa, pillows to the side, purse placed on the floor next to the leg of the chair where it's always set (creature of habits we are), sharing with my therapist about what experiences have come into my life, some because of choices made by yours truly, others due to choices from others. In that moment I thought I knew what was coming, those words from Therapist's mouth were thoughts that had been jamming the news feed of my brain for quite some time - try more than a few years - yet it never seemed 'ideal', or 'the way I envisioned'.

Therapist leaned forward with elbows firmly on knees, "You know what I'm thinking. As you're telling me all this?"

"Yeah," with a nod I continued for Therapist, "I need to write a memoir. Already published a few fiction works, working on editing a third."

"Actually, what came to my mind is a blog. About your experiences. There's a lot here to share."

Do you ever find yourself asking God over and over for an answer to the same question, yet being unsatisfied you then move forward doing your own 'thing'? And then, in the midst of doing that 'thing' that was not the 'thing' God wanted you to do, there comes this constant nagging. Friends, that is your spirit trying to communicate to that natural man brain, 'Hey there, natural man brain, God told you what to do. And, truth be told, I really want you to listen to God because, well, He made us. He made us to be really great! With lots of talents. With lots of potential. And you not listening and acting upon His answer is frustrating a really amazing plan he has for us.'

Yes, when you feel irritated, when life seems to be missing something, listen closely because it probably is.

If I were to be right up front and honest, my life is not at all what I planned. But in all the chaos and upheaval of this life, one thing has remained constant and never-changing. God's promises and His love. The strength of my Savior is a beacon of light even when confusion and temptation, despair and pain cloud my mind.

There are millions and millions of people who have life experiences, events, tragedies, circumstances - call it what you may - that are so much more devastating than anything that I've ever experienced, and so I guess my point is - 'Why me, God? I have Christ in my life. I have two beautiful boys. Yet, I feel so inadequate to share my struggles and experiences because I am so humbled and blessed. My trials are seemingly nothing when compared to all that is out there in this world. Though life isn't what I had planned at this point in time, though the expectations have been a bit shattered, it is still a BEAUTIFUL, BLESSED life."

So here I am. God keeps pointing me to this little path and in Him I put my trust.

'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.' Proverbs 3:5