What Storm Does She Walk Through?

*Disclaimer: I realize that my posts are HEAVY. This memoir was not written with the need to life vomit all the hard things in an effort to prove something, but to lay out what I have learned/experienced throughout thirty years. Never have I or will I ever believe to be an expert. Also, sometimes I skip writing days because I don't want those reading this to become bogged down. My attempts at keeping a positive story-telling, if you will, of my life events must also be accompanied by the raw truth of these things. I have never been one to sugar coat, and I won't ever be. So, know that I am a grateful, happy woman of incredible faith in God, and that my main purpose is to let someone else know that they are not alone. With that being said...

We are unaware of what others are suffering, what their world looks like inside the four-walls of their home. It is human nature to judge, tear down and to criticize. For some people this behavior of judgment is done whimsically, without thought or care of the depth of suffering or heartache of what that stranger, friend or family member is experiencing. Other times the tearing down of one another is done with malice.

My message today is from the experience of both sides.

A while back I was working out at the gym. I saw this beautiful girl around my age with a super cute figure. Always noticing the regulars I thought, "She looks like she would be stuck-up. I wonder if she's nice?"
A few weeks after I was talking to a friend who mention
ed this girl, she knew her and I asked if she was a nice girl. They told me that she had had a horrible scare, almost died. She had several brain tumors and the surgery ended up really affecting her. At this time I began to scold myself. How horrible to pass judgment. How un-Christlike to assume something of someone I know NOTHING about. This was eye-opening. I should not have compassion on someone just by learning of their difficulties, but have compassion on them BEFORE ever knowing. Compassion towards a stranger is a sign of character, and I needed to improve my character.

The other experience of life in being torn down from the other side is one I will not delve into much. It is sensitive for all involved and most importantly one that should be done so in the most respectful and appropriate manner. It is not my intention to destroy anyone's reputation or give 'a bad name' but to share something that may be helpful because it is from other people sharing that helped me.
What I will say is that I have been the victim of abuse for a decade. When you are a victim of abuse, you begin to lose parts of yourself as a coping mechanism and to shield yourself - this is how we survive. 

The experience of being torn down for so many years has given me the eyes to see with compassion and to speak with kindness (though it is still a work in progress at times - it is for everyone). Now I have trained myself to think when seeing a stranger, 'if they are going through anything like I have/am, how desperately they will need kindness.'
We do not know details of peoples lives, even if we THINK we know. Those within my most trusted circle had no idea of the struggles I was facing - because those that are hurting the most are sometimes the best at hiding it!!

The best message I can get across from this post is how greatly your life will be changed for the better when you begin to see others without judgment, and in doing this there will no longer be a frivolous need to tear down, but instead a heartfelt desire to BUILD UP!

A few Resources:
Caroline Abbott (Christian Abuse Blog)
Healthy Place